"Sex, Love and Other Drugs" = Movie with an "Outsider" and Universal Theme

In the critically acclaimed movie, "Sex, Love and Other Drugs," Maggie (Anne Hathaway) has a terminal illness (Parkinson's). She relies on sex as her ticket in with spontaneous and flirty male relationships. Drugs are the answer for prolonging her life.

She knows that because she's sick, the chances of men committing to her is less than none. (thus the sex part)

Until Jaimie (played by Jake Gyllenhaal) comes along and tells her that she is the first person who has ever cared about him and he is willing to be THAT one who will "carry her." (Thus the love)

All three of these issues came together on a plot level when I thought "is there really hope for Maggie? I wasn't too worried about Jaimie, because it was clear he was on the mend. It was Maggie who was weak, vulnerable and in a very precarious position.

Will she ever find love despite her feelings that she is not good enough for someone? And will Jaimie listen to the voice inside that tells him that this women is truly for him and to go beyond the "lip-service and call of duty?"

What resonated with me so strongly with Maggie's character was her feeling as an outsider which seemed to be inked all over her throughout the movie.


1.She was deeply misunderstood.

2.She coped with her illness by putting on a bravado front - especially with men.

3.She didn't want people to feel sorry for her, so she coped with her fears, insecurities and isolation alone ...silently. (For me, this part reached its climax when she struggled opening one of her pill bottles, only to find that it was empty.)

She especially didn't want men to be privy to her pain. That's got to be a difficult thing for anyone... Afraid to let someone in for the sake of showing what is really there and maybe that person won't love him/her.

Well, if you can't tell by now, I fell in love with this movie and not just on a plot level, but, because I could see 'pieces' or 'slivers' of my own life as a returning immigrant. Maggie's journey reflected that.


Here's How

At the very beginning

I came to Pittsburgh in 2007 straight from Israel. I felt I was making a grave mistake. I spent the first hour of my arrival crying in front of Ivry's new teacher. I was scared to death. When the feeling of newness finally simmered down, I kept a bravado front to both Israelis and Americans (even to those who tried to understand me) by keeping a distance, not sharing too many details about motivations for leaving - Israelis like to get into these things and I gave just the facts.

Teaching



After one year of working on my book, (sabbatical) I started to teach English to ESL community college students. During that first semester, I announced to the dean of the department, “I love teaching these ESL students. I feel as if I found my home in the cultural classroom.” In Israel, I was special because I was a native English speaking teacher teaching English to Israeli schoolchildren who mainly spoke Hebrew. But in Pittsburgh, none of this mattered. I had to now find a different kind of cultural classroom.

Again, I felt like a stranger to teaching even though I had been teaching for 13 years.


**I was on my way to NOT becoming a stranger.**

Writing

When I would first describe in English certain teaching and educational concepts and objects enmeshed in Israeli emotion and imagination, I became more aware of how the “right” word would resonate in both Hebrew and English even in simplest written and verbal expressions. The words “authentic” and “educational” seem to be simple enough for a native English speaker. Yet, unless an American had heard these words in an Israeli context, his or her cultural understanding of the sentence would be different. Even when I read email responses in English, I imagined how the words would sound and look in Hebrew.

Social Interactions

In daily conversations with people, I felt something uniquely missing. New friends would sympathize with my loneliness and isolation. Still, that didn't compensate for the connection with "Israel" that deeply missing from the emotional, social, and political landscape of Pittsburgh. And it wasn't enough to want to go back to Israel.

Again, I felt like a stranger to English even though English is my mother tongue. I can't imagine what an immigrant to America must feel trying to learn English...

Family Life

On the weekends, I would go to Steelers and Pirates games with my then, three year old son to feel connected with the "Americana" I had missed for the last 19 years. In-between lessons at the community college during the week, I would talk with other professors, and from our conversations, I could see that between their Pittsburgh upbringing and my New York City and Israeli roots, we had very little in common.

**Even though this is still true, I no longer feel vulnerable by it...**


So as you can see, Maggie and I are both on the mend even if we felt and still feel like an outsider from time to time...

Sharing My Life Story for a Presentation for ESL Teachers

It's always nice to share face to face parts of my life story than just writing about it in this blog.

Last Saturday, I gave a two hour presentation on "Teaching differentiated writing strategies to ESL students in the mainstream" to a group of English/ESL teachers at CCAC -Allegheny Campus.

It was the kind of intimately workshop where you'd feel comfortable in your own shoes presenting to teachers you had already known and a campus you had taught at for a few years.

However, I never make the assumption that teachers know who I am just because I teach ESL or just from a casual conversation in the hallway. I believe in the power of sharing life stories, both as a learner and as a teacher. So I started my presentation with an anecdote about about how, I felt like an outsider for many years in Israel. There is an outsider in every one of us and if we want, we can find those life stories and I have found that ESL students connect best to those kinds of stories.

I told my students from the point of serving in the army where officers would laugh at my American accent and how I struggled to teach EFL (English as a foreign language) 4th graders in the development town of Afula despite their agressive and direct personalities.

It is so easy to teach from an "autopilot" hat and forget the life lessons of perserverance and patience that these stories can teach us and others. You don't have to have experience living in another country;

I read a snippet of my story, "Taking Charge of the Cultural Classroom," from the book of anthologies, My First Year in the Classroom (Adams Media) that showed how I tried to get the attention of my Israeli students.

In short, anything we can do to bring participants closer to feeling "their pain" is always a good thing.

Poem: The Principal's Office

The principal calls me, "one of her teachers" she says

into her office and

mutters something incoherent in Hebrew to me

her language, her body moves

with every sound

that gutteral sound that

my father tried to speak to speak to me

is now Her sound. Her voice.

"I want to....." I said,

In Hebrew.

No excitement. Just words.

I fill in the rest of the sentence. It's confused. Battered up.

She knows what she's going to say even before hearing me

I am still trying to figure out what word to say.



I'm in a development town in Israel with Morracan Jews

who think the US is all about Julia Roberts and "Pretty Woman"

I tell my students it's not like that

But they still want to learn English

their way.

I want to teach it, "My Way,"

Is that why I'm here? In the principal's office?

Another teacher gets called in.

it's about how we work together.

not the language.

Phew.




We talk it out - in their language.

not mine.

We don't find a solution.

In their language.

Not mine.

And I go home. Write about the lesson.

In my language.

I taught another lesson to fourth graders

who are learning another language

That just happens to be my mother tongue.

Only I'm not so sure if this cultural classroom is mine or theirs.

I'm still trying to figure it out.