Earlier this afternoon, I had planned to take Ivry to an afternoon of fun at the nearby JCC Clubhouse.
What fun! I could get two hour's worth of writing for my new transformational book, Giving a Voice to the Voiceless and reach the 10,000 word mark. But as to be expected, the JCC was closed for New Year's which I had completely forgot and I could say goodby to "peace and quiet."
My son however, didn't have a problem. He was grateful to track back in the snow and help pick up the snow off somebody's car, whose owner was already scraping the last bit off his windshield.
When I think of the transformational work I'm doing, I realize how life's setbacks is part of what the universe has in store for us including these scheduling changes.
This past year's highights included some deep and intense lows and highs of my evolving self - the ying and yang of life's dualities. I went through an abortion, my mother-in-law passed away, I visted my home in Israel after four years of returning back to the States, I started a meditation challenge that changed my life and finally connected me to spirit and source, (which I'd managed to push away for years,) I spoke at the International Reading conference, said goodbye to a dear friend who passed away of breast cancer, my mom, who has Alzheimer's and has spent more days in hospitals than ever before, I got a contract to write my book, Greater Collaboration for K-6 English Language Learners, I said goodbye to old friends and habits who weren't serving me and began to welcome the new.
I just want to play it safe, I thought. I just don't want all these problems. i just want to know that I can continue to do the work I need to do.
Need to do. Need to do. Not meant to do.
As David Ji, from the Chopra Center says, "You can go from one physiology to another, but you, deep, deep deep within, your core essential being is timeless and essential in the world."
But guess what? Life is hairy horny, thick and scary at times.
The perfectionist and self-control freak in me wanted to hold unto to something dark and deep from childhood that would continue to keep me safe.
But what I was really looking for was a safe place to begin something important and transformative.
And then I realized. With all my concern for emotional safety" to work in the traditional way I had learned, I had evolved into another "pair of shoes." the old way of thinking was that I had to choose just one direction - be an ESL teacher. Now, my new way of thinking is to create my own "center" with all the different "hats" that define my work as a language diversity coach, but with a creative side of personal story writing. I coud choose to write on any curriculum I create. I could coach writers with my new curriculum. This had been a call for some time and nothing would prepare me more than this very moment.
In fact, I couldn't ask for a more perfectly raw and spiritual moment to write my book. The snow dreamily falling like from "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown."
If I look back at my life's events for the past twenty years and when I see myself in another 5 years - I see one major glowing difference: a calling to be somebody else, bigger and deeper than myself. I've tapped into this energy for the past five months, but I know, deep deep within, that 2012 will be a Major shift for me in the gifts I plan to share with the world.
And so with all the uncertainty right now in my life,(and some certainty) when there are so many shifts in emotional and creative consciousness, there's no better time than the present for me to start my brand new spanking path.
And so, I sit in front of a computer, finishing this blog post and moving to writing my chapter. I have everything I need to succeed. I am ready for this moment and I write my heart as my seven year old son plays with his Lego and gazes at the falling snow.
And so, I'm reminded by Steve Jobs (z"l) who said: "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
As Rebecca Ocean says in the article, "Three Keys for Setting Transformative Resolutions to Realize Your Gifts & Birth the True You in the New Year"
"...If you chose your chrysalis well, hitting a trouble spot is a good sign. Rather than indicating failure or the need for a new structure, these places are Divine neon signs pointing to where the truth lies hidden behind your false self. As you remain steadfast for your dream, fueled by your love, what’s false dissolves and what’s left is the beautiful truth of who you are and how life wants to shine its glory through you in the New Year."
May we always be able to distinguish between what is "safe" and "unsafe..." as I welcome and lovingly embrace the new 2012 ME...
And my son is only all too happy to watch the snow and wait for mommy to be finished with her writing....